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I Quit. Thanks.

 

July 21st, 2011. That’s the day I quit smoking. Week one wouldn’t have been so hard if I hadn’t gone all gung-ho and tried to quit EVERYTHING at once. I tried to give up smoking and my antihistamines at the same time. Big mistake. Week two wasn’t so bad up until the end which for some reason became really difficult between day 10-12. Week three seemed fairly easy. There were times when I felt stressed or emotionally exhausted by life and the added new stress of a pregnant, crazy wife. Week four has been pretty easy.

I still miss somking though. It’s not just as simple as kicking a bad habit. It’s like learning how to live all over again. Cigarettes have been an identity for me, a part of me, always there for me for the past ten years and more. Waking up one day and then just deciding that it’s not meant to be and giving it up is like losing an old friend or a lover. It takes an enormous amount of commitment and due vigilence to maintain that mentality and it’s draining.

It’s not easy. In the first few days I was a hot mess and all I could do was focus on not giving in and giving up. I was locked in a constant negotiation or debate, playing devils advoate with myself in a twisted inner monologue, paralyzed by the weight of it. That was perhaps the most difficult stage. Have you ever tried to convince or persuade yourself to do something that you kind of want to do anyways? Try that when you’re an addict and all you can think about or want is what you are trying so hard to not have… Thankfully, that phase is over now. Every day gets a little easier and my quality of life seems to be improving with it. I think if I can do this, anyone can.

So, here’s to hopefully another hundred years or more – thanks to not smoking. If I’m lucky, I won’t end up with emphysema, lung cancer, heart disease, or a myriad of other problems that come with the awful truth of addiction. Thanks to my wife, my friends, and my family for their support. Thanks to the internet for the wealth of resources available out there, most especially the folks at whyquit. Your own personal experiences and painful tales of loss coupled with the facts of addiction and the medical data really helped me maintain focus and strengthen my logic over irrational want. I don’t think I could have done it without the combination of all of you.

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